All right so everybody does these different things on their blogs like Flashback Friday, What's on the Menu, the 20 questions with one word answers thing....it's all good and I love to read em'. But I want to do something non-main stream. Shocking. I want you to get to know the real me; the me that my husband and kids have to put up with on a daily basis. The crazy-scary Amy that comes out when my nerves are fried, I'm at my wit's end, and my sanity is all but gone. The Amy who, as she sits here typing this, has a 4 year-old trying to crawl onto her lap to play dolls and/or press keyboard buttons, a 10 year-old who keeps "hey mom" ing every 15 seconds for "look-at-me's", and an 8 year-old who is chronicling his sorrows of missing pieces to his Jengo-Fett minifig. Sigh. Life as a mom, right? Ok, so maybe this frustration I'm currently feeling doesn't happen daily exactly, but it definitely happens on a regular basis as a wife and mother. If you are disagreeing with me right now, you are on some seriously high-end Prozac (and you should call me with your doctor's #). When I'm feeling overwrought, I get a little sassy and I do mean things. In my book there is a fine line between mean and harsh teasing and I looooooove to walk that line when I'm in a mood. Let me give you a little bit of background information about each of my kids to help you better understand my motivation for this evenings harried-housewife-mean-thing:
Addy Stats: age 10.5: Positive Character Traits: super intelligent/super Gospel oriented/super good friend/ super charismatic/super creative...
Not So Positive Character Traits: super whiny when tired/super drama queen on rare occasions (also when tired)
Aidyn Stats: age 8: Positive Character Traits: super sweet/super giving/super fun/super good friend/super mad lego skills...Not So Positive Character Traits: seriously, I can't think of any, but he can be a little gullible. He's the easiest kid ever, knock on wood.
Avery Stats: age 4: Positive Character Traits: super out-going/ super energetic/ super social/ super kind...Not So Positive Character Trait: likes to push buttons when she is bored/tired. Beep, Beep.
Ok, so don't think I'm a horrible mom for pointing out more flaws in Addy than the other two. Actually...think what you want, it's a free country. Bottom line, she's very vocal when annoyed and getting close to pre-teen years means that vocality is increasing. Hence, chapter 1....
We are driving to Aidyn's basketball game tonight which means 20 minutes of fun car time. John is out of town so it's just me and the kiddies. Avery is in her car seat singing a song, totally typical, she loves to sing. At four, she hasn't been vocally trained and all though I thoroughly enjoy hearing her sing, Addy does not. She asks Avery several times to stop, stop, STOP. I am talking on the phone to my friend, Karina,trying to schedule some much needed girl trip time and trying to ignore the dispute, hoping they will work it out. Finally, Addy screams at the top of her lungs, "Avery!!!! STOP IT!!!!" at which point, I politely excuse myself and get off the phone.
Dialogue:
me: "HELLO!!! I'm on the phone!!!"
Addy: whimpering "She's so annoying! I asked her to stop singing like a million times the nice way and she won't stop!!! She's just doing it to annoy me!! It's so frustrating!!!"
Avery: "But I just like to sing"
Addy: super mean "No you don't, you just like to be annoying".
me: "Ok, Addy, enough. Avery, you have been singing for 10 minutes. Take a break. Addy, learn a little patience. Avery can sing if she wants, she's doing it because she enjoys it, not because she wants to drive you crazy."
Addy: super whiny "But she is driving me crazy."
me: "Sigh. Addy, learn a little patience. Avery, if someone asks you nicely to stop doing something, it's polite to stop. End of conversation, let's play the quiet game."
Quiet Quiet Quiet
We get to the basketball game, Aidyn joins his team, Avery and I sit down to read some books, Addy starts reading her book.
30 seconds later
Addy: super whiny voice "Mom, can I go somewhere else and read? It's too loud in here."
me: "No, Addy, you have to stay with me. I want to watch Aidyn's game and I can't see him if I leave with you."
Addy: super super whiny voice "I hate coming to his games. It's sooooo boring."
me: "He's your brother, you need to support him. Remember that Zac and Cody episode we just watched? How Zac totally supported Cody by going to watch his speech even though that was ultra boring?" (you might want to add watching Disney sitcoms with your kids and then referring to them as life lessons to your repertoire of fine parenting skills)
Addy: super super super whiny voice "UUUUUGGGHHHH!!! I just hate this!! That buzzer is so loud and everything is just LOUD! I want to leave! How long do we have to be here anyway!"
me: "Games are 45 minutes. Just read your book and it will go by fast"
Addy: you get the point "MOM. Can I please just go right outside the gym door??? The noise is driving me crazy. I can't concentrate on my book."
me: "I said no-not safe, not happenin"
more arguing about loudness and leaving.....
10 minutes later
Ok, I have officially reached my melting point at this juncture. I hate to argue more than just about anything else. I'm not good at it and I tend to give in easily. Addy is the queen of negotiation in the form of arguing (she gets these mad skills from her daddy). She will make a great defense lawyer someday.
We are almost to the mean harried housewife part. First, let me clue you in on a conversation that we had earlier that day while walking home from school. Addy is talking to her friend Olivia about a search and rescue operation she took part in while visiting Vancouver, WA last month. A boy about her age with autism was lost while camping with his dad. Olivia asked Addy what autism was and Addy asked me to explain it. So I tried as best I could to explain that autism is considered a mental illness where those who suffer from it have a hard time with social interactions and communication. Most of the kids I have met with autism are great kids, highly functioning and extremely smart.
This is where the mean comes in....read on if you dare.....
Back at the basketball game I am fed up and ready to kick Addy in the rear. Can't I have a moments peace to enjoy my sons ever-so-slowly budding basketball skills??????
Dialogue:
me: "you know Addy, your senses are really easily overwhelmed. That's a symptom of autism. This has been happening more and more frequently lately, especially the noise thing. Maybe we should make an appointment with your doctor to see if you need to be tested."
Addy: super worried voice "you think I have autism?!?!?"
me: "Well don't act all bent about it, I mean I just worry when you get so freaked out about stuff like this (I really do, actually)."
Addy: super super worried voice "you think I have autism?!!?!!?"
me: "I'm just saying that if you are constantly feeling this overwhelmed by loud noise, maybe we should see if there's something to it."
Addy: super super super worried voice "you think I have autism?!!!?!!!?"
me: "I didn't say I thought you had anything, I just said maybe we should look into it."
Ok, so that totally shut down the complaint fest. On the one hand, I felt really good about that cuz I could veg out on basketball in peace. On the other hand, I felt like a total schmuck for resorting to that type of manipulation to get Addy to shut it down. I admit that it took several minutes before I started feeling like a schmuck. And just for the record, I don't think autism is something that should be made light of or joked about. I have fully disclosed that I was mean; this is my form of therapy/admitting I was wrong. I am being honest about my weaknesses.
Ok, it's not exactly "monkeys" or "ass goblins" (past harried housewife tactics), but it was pretty close. I pinpointed what I knew would bother her, and I totally used it as a weapon to my advantage. Pretty crappy, right?
When I got home I apologized and told Addy I was a big fat donkey, and that it was totally wrong to do what I did. I then spent some time reflecting on finding "Joy in the Journey"
(go to this link and watch for President Monson's talk on finding "Joy in the Journey" for clarity on that fabulous quote: http://www.lds.org/conference/languages/0,6353,310-1,00.html)
and admonished myself for feeling like my life was anything but pretty darn awesome.
Thanks for reading.
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8 comments:
you're not alone. 'nuf said.
classic!! I love it almost as much as the time when you were on the bridge and you were pretending that it was going to break into the river.
speaking of Pres. Monson's talk, I think the entire church must have needed it. Otherwise, it looks like he gave a conference talk just for you and me. today I actually told myself I was thankful for all my dirty dishes because it meant I had good food to eat. Not exactly to the "joy" in the dishes part yet, but I'm working on it.
and I love harried housewife Thursday, your honesty and braveness inspire me.
Ha ha! I love it! You basically described MY day with my 10 1/2 year old as well!! I hate to be a mean mom as well, and I have resorted to mean tactics as well. Sigh.... oh well. Just something else I can ruin her life with I guess. :) You're a great mom!! This is just the beginning of the hard years. ((HUGS))
Super super super hilarious voice, "Amy you are so funny! You must get it from your mother!"
Amy I love this post. And I will add another "you are not alone" to the pile. Also I've heard like 5 or 6 people talking about Pres. Monson's talk so he totally hit the nail on the head for a lot of us. And my favorite part was when you said it was Quiet Game time because I do that ALL THE TIME. I just can't stand all the bickering. Anyway, luv ya! Great reconnecting!
Love the honesty! We all have those moments (like when I told Brinly I was going to beat the snot out of her because she was refusing to go to school and I was at my breaking point--oh boy, did I feel bad about that). I can't wait to see you and enjoy some "Time out for Women".
Your posts are awesome; and so are you; and so are you kids. Your husband is alright, too. :p
A J
Love this new element to your blog- I can't wait to keep reading more chapters. It makes me feel like I'm not alone when I have my 'harried' moments--which is almost on daily basis.....
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